


Goose Bumps

by Daerwyn



Series: A Collection of Drabbles by Helmaninquiel [76]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Modern AU, Park Rangers, Wild Bears, Wild Geese - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-18
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 03:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8311912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daerwyn/pseuds/Daerwyn
Summary: “I don’t want to alarm you, but there is a bear swimming in your pool, you might want to stay inside today.”“I got trapped in my house by an angry goose, and you are the Fish & Wildlife officer who came to rescue me.” AU2016 Spring Into Tolkien Entry





	

If there was one thing you hated about spring in the mountains, it was the flock of geese that returned from the south. It was how territorial they became when they nested.

And it was the goose that had attacked you three times that morning while you were trying to leave to go to work. Because of the nest that was tucked under the flower box right next to your front door. 

Of all the places they could possibly have chosen, out of all six thousand feet along the lake’s shore, they chose your front door. Because where else would they go? Not in any sensible location, never there.

So still plucking some feathers from your hair, you marched to your laptop, flipped it open, and did the only thing you could do. Figure out who could remove the goose for you, from the outside, so that you could leave in peace, from the inside. And keep as many fingers in tact as possible. You did not believe the goose above turning into a carnivore if you attempted to escape again.

Fish & Wildlife seemed the best bet. The goose was definitely wild, perhaps even feral, you’d venture. Or rabid. Maybe risen from the dead or mutated and trying to infect a whole gaggle of geese to attack you and all of your neighbors. You were probably already feeling the beginning signs of the goose flu, and were Patient 0. 

If you were going to die from whatever it had infected you with during its attack (surely it was something, no goose had ever attacked like that before, that you had seen in your life, so it  _ had  _ to be sick), that goose was going down before you. You made the call, and were promised that an officer would arrive within the hour, and then called your boss to explain, as strange as it sounded, that you were trapped until the wildlife officer got rid of the goose. 

How you weren’t fired right then surprised you. Maybe it did sound a little crazy.

Maybe you were crazy, and the goose wasn’t really there? Maybe you could sneak out if you were quiet enough and the goose not even notice you until after you were closer to your car than the house?

You crept soundlessly across your living room, freezing whenever the floorboards creaked under your feet, and when you reached the entranceway, you carefully tip-toed to the door, your back brushing against the wall to remain out of sight. 

Fingers brushing the curtain that covered the glass window, you carefully, and painfully slowly, tugged it back just enough to peak out. The goose was sitting, back turned, right in the middle of your stoop. 

Like it was a freakin’ gargoyle that was prepared to kill everyone in its path.

Like it could hear you cursing it in your head, the goose suddenly turned its head towards you, making your eyes go round and your body go rigid. It was glaring at you, with just the one eye pointed towards you, and you were certain that it was cursing your existence right back.

You slowly retreated, letting it win this time. 

Jesus Christ, what the hell kind of goose was that!?

You sank down on the ground, breathing steadily to keep yourself calm, before you ran out your door with a pot and an oven mitt, and did your best not to strangle the goose right then. 

“I’m going to the loony bin, for sure,” you muttered.

The sound of a car pulling into the driveway about forty minutes later made you jump to your feet. You heard the door to the truck slam shut, the sound of something metal scraping against more metal, and the wailing howls of a goose that was getting ready to attack.

You peaked out the window, carefully, and saw that an officer with a hat blocking the sun was walking slowly towards the front door, a metal cage, a linen sack, and a pair of gloves ready to be used to liberate you. 

And some very strong looking arms holding them all. In fact, the arms were attached to a very lean body, and a handsome jawline.

A prince in shining armor, definitely. From this half-dragon, half goose creature that was locking you away. When the man’s gaze lifted slightly from the hissing goose, he caught your eyes. And your breath caught. You sure hoped the goose put up a hell of a fight, because that man was everything you dreamt about. And the longer he stayed on your property, the more you could admire the sky blue of those gorgeous eyes. 

You were rooting for the stupid goose now. He gave a nod to the goose on your stoop and you couldn’t help but give a slight nod back. Yeah, that was the goose, alright. 

And you were willing to open that door and be attacked so this gorgeous man could save your fingers and eyes. Heck, you’d take one for the team and let him give you mouth-to-mouth. 

The goose attacked, honking and wings flapping, as the man gave a cry of alarm and nearly tumbled backwards. 

You’d be more than willing to risk your own body to give him mouth-to-mouth, if he needed it.

And then the hat that blocked most of his face went flying in the struggle as he tried to wrestle the goose into the linen bag to prevent it from killing him, and you saw the hair. Golden locks that provided both a great grip, and something to run fingers through. 

It was about shoulder length, and made him fit the mold of Prince Charming even more so than before. 

_ Dear Lord, kill me now so he can bring me back. _

The struggle was one you probably could have videotaped to watch again later, and focus solely on the way this officer’s muscles rippled with an effort to stay alive. Make full sized posters for the wall, because this man was the real MVP. 

And his success as he managed to get the goose into the sack, and pull the drawstring at the top to make sure it didn’t escape, nearly ten minutes after the struggle began, filled you with more disappointment than relief. 

The prince tucked the goose away into the cage, where it honked in indignation and pecked at the metal bars, as the man carried it towards the truck. Sure it was safe, you carefully opened the door, almost expecting a backup army to descend from the sky, or rise from the bushes. 

But it was safe. Except the nest was still there, needed to be moved. But you were sure the guy would come back and do that. 

As the truck door shut, the man gave a slight wave in greeting. “So, you really had a fighter here,” he admitted. You picked his hat up off the ground, seeing the Fish and Wildlife logo on the front, and passed it to him as he approached.

“A biter too,” you laid ruefully. “Thank you so much for rescuing me.” 

The man gave a bright smile. “It’s what I’m here for.” He glanced towards the nest. “We’ll remove that safely, and make sure the mother still takes care of them.”

“Will she come back?” you couldn’t help but ask. And you hoped you didn’t sound as hopeful as the question seemed in your head. The man tried to smother a smile, which meant that it did. Damn. 

“We’ll relocate in a less populated section of the lake,” the guy said. He held out a hand, and you took it almost immediately. “Eomer.”

“Y/N,” you returned immediately. Eomer, Eomer. It was an unusual name, but it fit. And his grip was just as strong as you imagined it to be.

Except the moment was short lived as he jutted his chin behind you. “So, do you want me to help you take care of that too?” You stared at him in confusion. Was he making a move on you, and trying to get inside of your house? You didn’t think this happened in real life, just in those cheesy porn videos… 

“The goose was it, but if you want in, I mean… I would totally be okay with that-”

He cut you off, and was really trying hard not to laugh. And your face flushed in both mortification and you slowly dying on the spot as he spoke. “I don’t want to alarm you, but there is a bear swimming in your pool.” You whirled around to see through the hall, and out your back door, where indeed, a large brown bear was slowly wandering around your pool, and just as you took a step towards the back door, it stepped right inside and splashed into the water. Fuck. “You might want to stay inside today,” Eomer chuckled. “You don’t seem to be having the best luck.”

“Shit, I’m getting fired,” you groaned. “My boss will never believe this.”

“I’ll call some back up,” Eomer said from behind you. His hand came on your shoulder, and gave you a reassuring squeeze. “Do you have any pets that are outside?”

“No,” you said quietly, watching as the bear only seemed to care to splash around and cool down for the day. “Just a guinea pig upstairs.”

“I wouldn’t let him outside, then.” Was he joking? You glanced back, and he gave you a wink. Oh, dear lord, his eyes were even more amazing up close. “Sit tight. And if you need something to convince your boss, I recommend a few pictures… Just don’t get too close to the windows.” 

It was solid advice, at least. You doubted the glass would protect you. “So much for defeating the dragon.”

He heard you, and laughed… loudly. Your face went bright red even more so than before. “The best princesses always have a few around the castle.” 

And with another wink, he headed towards his truck, to radio for some more officers. And you were left praying that after this dragon was gone, you’d get your true love’s kiss…

And a phone number.


End file.
